tysontrips

8, August, 2005

A Message from the Co-Founder and CEO of tysontrips.com

Welcome to tysontrips.com. This site is not the homepage of a dot.com(pany). We sell no products.com nor do we offer network support or customer service. In fact, we provide no services at all (but we will take your money should you insist). What this site is, however, is a log of tyson's trips, from tranquil travel to trials and tribulations. If you are easily entertained, bored at work or otherwise differently abled, perhaps we can at least provide a small amount of entertainment. Please feel free to browse the site in as little or as much detail as you desire. And please join the message board to provide any comments you might have, whether about the site itself or something more personal like, "hey, tyson! dude, I totally jacked your Dre cd five years back. yeah, and i still listen to it all the time. must suck to not have it anymore. lol. -anonymous"

You bastard, if I ever find you...

Anyway, first I want to acknowledge the inventor/co-founder/developer/designer/administrator of tysontrips, Abbi Masters. She has her 'Masters' in being awesome. This site is her brain child and she has done absolutely everything to make it what it is (so if you don't like it, remember it's her fault, not mine—ha!). As I travel, she will be updating pages, photos, archives, etcetera as needed (hopefully at least weekly) from Birmingham, Alabama.

Whoa, this is weird. I am writing on the internet. I can say whatever I want, no matter how controversial, and the entire world can, nay, must read it. Well then...Bush sucks!!! Wait, that's not controversial; it's fact. (waiting for guys in trench coats...nope. Cool!)

So, this will be my last broadcast from the perplexing and challenging city that is Sao Paulo (please see my previous entries under the 'writing' tab). Because, according to my 'to do list', I have just graduated from the University of Alabama-Birmingham with a Masters of Public Health. My prize? I am going on an all expense paid (by me) overland trip from Sao Paulo to Seattle. Care to join? Sorry, you can't. But you can read about it. And this is an interactive website, so feel free to use the message boards to tell me where to go, if you know what I mean.

Well, the endless, frozen Brazilian winter has finally come to a close here in Sao Paulo. That was a brutal couple of weeks, as daytime temperatures dipped into the hi-sixties/lo-seventies! Recently, the mercury has risen to its proper position in the low eighties. The weather tells me time for me to get out and travel. I am ready. I feel like I am about to explode because I haven't left the city limits of Sao Paulo but twice in the 11 weeks since I arrived at the Sao Paulo airport in May. Not that leaving the city is easy. It requires at least a one hour, 30 km bus ride in any direction to get out of Stankvegas. I have hardly written anything about my experiences in this city. There are several reasons for this, all of which I will not discuss here, other than to say that I had a job to do here and I did it.

When I did manage to get away from Sao Paulo it was on a stress-relieving trip up the picturesque coastline to Rio de Janeiro. So picturesque was the journey that I took quite a few pictures, many of which are viewable via the 'photography' tab. Yes, this entire entry is a shameless (and pointless, due to the fact that you are already here) plug for my website. Essentially, the only non-Brazilians I have come into contact with in the last 3 months are Tara, the Ivey and Susan, the Hall, who visited from Birmingham for a 10-day jaunt up the tropical, mountainous, jungle-covered Brazilian coastline.

lopez mendez
Above: Gentlemen, start your jealousy

Susan's brother, Joe, and his girlfriend, Kemen, joined us in paradise as we ferried out to idyllic, vehicle-free islands which were ringed by empty, powdery, white sand beaches. This was such an easy hassle-free time that I am struggling to even recollect any difficulties we encountered. Well, there were these little garotinhos, some street kids, who tried to rob us in Rio. But they didn't get anything, except maybe a fistful of Joe's hair as we drove away in a taxi. Much more innocent-looking, but irksome and insidious, were these nasty insects I had never seen before called borrachudos. Hardly noticeable, they lurk on the beaches of some of the islands just waiting for innocent gringo legs such as ours to feast upon. These tiny guys seem as harmless as fruit flies, slowly fluttering around in the sand. But they are vicious, bloodthirsty sons of whores. Their bite is not painful, so we pranced around on the desolate tropical beach with not a care in the world. But soon enough we noticed trickles of blood appearing on our legs, which were soon accompanied by quickly growing lumps. These bites would itch like hellish torture for weeks.

borrachudo

In 10 days that was the worst event which took place. And the way I figure it, if that is the worst thing that happens to me in 10 days, things are going pretty damn well. Eventually we met up with my formerly American friend, Adam Hoffman, and his girlfriend in Rio. When I say my formerly American friend I don't mean that he is not my friend, rather that he is not American. Any man I grew up with who can now keep pace with a native Brazilian dancing samba and forro is no longer American in my book.

As for tyson's trips, they begin this Friday. I am headed south toward the Uruguayan border. Whether or not I cross that border is still an unknown. One that will probably be resolved by men with badges and uniforms who will shake their fingers in my face and point me back toward Brazil. I depart armed a battery of tools: a compass, maps, travel guides, a passport, the almighty dollar, a weak grasp of the new language I speak – a mixture of Portuguese and Spanish called Portañol, and the most important thing you can bring with you – an open mind. That is so cheesy I think I will just have to leave it in. Enjoy your trip...

—Tysonv, CEO, tysontrips.com, 08-08-05—